do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
