Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
