I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
