haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
