Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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