he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
