I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
