there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
