Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
