Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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