Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
