sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
