I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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