OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
