Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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