you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
