His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
