Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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