I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
