dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
