Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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