I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
