Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
