i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
