They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
