Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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