Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
