It's Friday. Sex?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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