Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
