Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it glows. i had to have it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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