she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
