So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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