Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
