God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I stole a fireplace last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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