he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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