Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
