No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
