I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pants are for mortals
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
