i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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