he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
