After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
