so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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