from now on my penis is your penis
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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