At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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