Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
