my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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