it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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