my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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