He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
