Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
