what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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