Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
