I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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