U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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