I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
