A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That accounts for only three of the penises
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
