My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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