I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
