So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
