Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
