I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
