before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
