I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got her a Nickelback box set.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
