Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
