put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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